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Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.

Laughter is good for your health

• Girls have an unfair advantage over men: If they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
  -Yul Brynner
  
• I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.
  -Les Dawson
• What would men be without women? Scarce, sir … mighty scarce.
  -Mark Twain
• People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven’t what they want that they don’t want it.
  -Ogden Nash
• I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug. Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
  -Unknown
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, whatever you hit, call it the target.
  -Ashleigh Brilliant
• You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
  -E. DeGeners
  
• They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

• Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
  -Jim Davis
• A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!”
  -Milton Berle
• Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste.
  It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
  -Steven Weinberg
• A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.
  -Anonymous
• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
  -Bill Cosby
• If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.
  -Unknown
• The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.
  -Thomas Paine
• A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

-George Carlin

• Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It’s much sexier than any body part.
  -Aimee Mullins
• Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter of ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
  -Anonymous
• God made mud, God made dirt, God made boys so girls can flirt.
  Ask no questions. Hear nor lies.
  If you can make a girl laugh – you can make her do anything.
  -Marilyn Monroe
• The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
  -Yogi Berra
• It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.
  If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.
  -George Globol
• I both love and do not love and am mad and not mad.
  I got caught kissing, like by my parents. It was so horrible. It’s so embarrassing, I’m blushing.
  TV has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
  -Ann Landers
• Cheese, wine, and a friend must be old to be good.
  -Cuban Proverb
• Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
  -Ernest Hemingway
• Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working with one.
  -Bill Gates
• When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course.
  -Peter F. Drucker
• Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.
  -Sue Murphy
• If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
  -Yogi Berra
• If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
  -Dave Allen
• Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
  -Carl Gustav Jung
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  -Unknown
• Arguing about whether the glass is half full or half empty misses the point, which is this: the bartender cheated you.
  -Unknown
• Thank you Facebook, I can now farm without going outside, cook without being in my kitchen, feed fish I don’t have & waste an entire day without having a life.
  -Unknown
• What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
  In the primary school, I was an outstanding student. My teacher would send me to stand outside of the class as a punishment.
  Don’t let your mind wander, Its too little to be let out alone.
  If you are talking behind my back, you are in a good position to kiss my a$$.
  Teacher ends the class early with "okay that’s enough for today; I need to update my face-book status.
  Congrats on getting married… (Inside card) – It’s not everyday you decide to ruin your life.
  I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.
  -Henny Youngman
• After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER.”.
  -William S. Burroughs
• Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts, while others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
  -Unknown
• Don’t you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
  -Unknown
• Sorry, I can’t hangout. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time.
  As you were, I was. As I am, you will be.
• -Hell’s angels
  Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s hard to get it back in.
  May I be excused? My brain is full.
  Why go to college? There’s Google.
  Kids are like farts. You don’t mind your own, but other peoples are unbearable.
  I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, "I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” And I said, "I am.”
  -Demetri Martin
• Microsoft bought Skype for 8,5 billions!.. what a bunch of idiots! I downloaded it for free!